MS makes you stupid.

I guess it doesn't actually make you stupid but it does tend to make you do stupid things, make stupid mistakes and feel stupid.  It's not a matter of trying harder, being more conscientious, focusing on the task at hand in deeper ways.  It's just a plain matter of disease process in action.

I have missed exits when driving, ingredients when cooking, words when talking, where my feet are when walking.  I forget that I can't put my pants on while standing, phone numbers that I have called a ton of times, must-do tasks and things that I'm just not supposed to forget like my afternoon dose of a medication that I miss at least five times a week.

It's hard not to feel inferior to people with fully functioning brains.  It's hard not to feel anger and frustration at the daily challenges that this crap disease brings.  Imagine the last time you went into a room and forgot what you went there for.  Imagine standing there with a big question mark over your head and feeling crazy over the fact that you just can't figure it out.  Now add that to other tasks in your day, too.  

Imagine that you have four icons open on your task bar, five clear icons like email, internet browser, Excel and a calculator.  You want to check your email but click the internet browser first and then get frustrated and try again and click Excel - you see where this is going.

It's like making cookies and forgetting the flour and never realizing what the problem could be even though it looks very wrong.  Others wonder how on earth you couldn't just look at it and see a problem.  Welcome to MS.

Over and over and over and over again all day long I have these little mishaps.  It's known that these things are a huge contributors in the fatigue.  It makes perfect sense considering that it can take 3-4 times to accomplish a simple task and/or multiple times to fix mistakes that have been made.

So make me a dunce cap out of an orange ribbon and I will don it if I remember.

Sticker Shock - and it's not what you think.

It never ceases to amaze me that garage sellers, estate salespeople, antique shop owners, thrift store volunteers and any other folks out trying to make a buck selling things place kryptonite-proof stickers on their items.  There is a chance, don't you think, that someone buying that 25 cent widget might want to use it without damaging it first trying to scrape and peel and scour the bejeezes out the item trying to remove the remnants of tape?

There's an even worse trend of physically writing on items with Sharpies.  Now, Sharpies have their place, a huge place in my world.  I'm a fan in a big way but not when they are used to scroll a price mark on the box of a game, a book, a matte finish mug or figurine.  I don't like it when I see them on anything but at least when it's written on a shiny finish mug, a wrapped game, craft kit, or any other number of grab some rubbing alcohol and take it to the item without damaging it kind of thing, okay...you're forgiven.

I'm in the resale business.  I'm a sticker scraper, rubbing alcohol using kind of gal.  It would be nice if the tags would come off easily and I wouldn't have to bother with keeping a roll of paper towel and a bottle of rubbing alcohol next to my desk and hope and pray that the price actually comes off.

I've heard sellers say that they are worried that there will be price sticker swaps.  I get it but does the extra buck make it worth wrecking an item?  I'd hope that if you see value in an item at all that you would keep it unblemished by using these lovely little labels that actually come off when you try to remove them without ruining the area under the sticker.

You're trying to make a buck and so am I.  Let's be friends.  I'll happily buy your item if you don't write "DON'T BUY ME, I MIGHT JUST BE RUINED" on the item or stick a note on it that screams "NEENER, NEENER, NEENER - I'M STUCK ON HERE FOREVER!"

As you guys know, I stay home and do this very part time to make a little money on the side.  Throw a gal a bone here.

Sick and then sicker.

So I have this beast of a disease.  It causes daily bumps in the road and sometimes head on crashes with a fifty car pileup.  There's a laundry list of symptoms that I deal with but most of them I don't share with the general public and can hide because, let's face it, most of my symptoms are "invisible".

What those outside the MS realm don't know, other illnesses make the MS symptoms worse.  Monthly hormonal mess makes MS symptoms worse.  A day without a nap, rising outdoor temperatures and stress make MS symptoms worse.

I have had many times where my symptoms ramp up even if I'm not sick but others in the house are.  I can call foul but, let's face it, the referee has his back turned and the other team is going to win.  I have to play the game the best I can and hope that I don't get permanently derailed from gameplay.

For the 2 years that I was on chemotherapy, I avoided the general public for a couple of weeks after treatment, stayed out of the giant petri dish that some call an elementary school and just avoided situations that I could get sick and then sicker.

It's an odd thing to look at your life knowing that social, school, church and family situations could lead to more complications.  People know that shaking hands during cold and flu season can lead to passed on germs and potential illness.  Most people don't know that those passed germs could lead to increased fatigue, legs that don't want to work, just overall increase in symptoms in addition to the fight with the cold or flu for people with MS.

So if I say, "I have a cold" what I'm saying is "I have to blow my nose a lot, I'm extra tired, my tongue might spew something that doesn't make sense and I just need to sit down and find something to focus on that doesn't take much energy."  My cold isn't just a cold, it's a body slam.  It's something that you can't see when I blow my nose.  It's something I hide as much as I can, just like every other symptom.

Are you stalking me?

I just saw my blog stats and there have been over 2,000 views of my blog.  Interesting but I wonder who these people really are.

Do I have cyber-stalkers, virtual friends, old classmates, family, neighbors, people who I've never met peeking in on my little world?

I have been thinking all along, wondering if anyone cares about what I have to say.  I guess there are people out there that find this interesting.  Who are you?