My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary this week. It's one of those "wow" moments where you feel like it couldn't possibly be that long but on the flipside feel like it's been forever.
Ever since we have been married my husband, born and raised in Ann Arbor, has been a University of Michigan football fan. He also roots for the Lions and their track record is less than stellar but he's still a supporter through all the grumbles, groans, screams and frustration. U of M has had its share of screaming at the TV moments in the last couple of weeks as well.
I always wondered why someone would tune in week after week, game after game, when it seemed like all it brought was lots of frustration, aggravation and considerable screaming. What joy is there to be had in that?
It dawned on me that I am like one of those teams to Jim. Just six years into our marriage the MS symptoms started. There were moments of not being able to walk much at all, lack of sensation down the entire right side of my body, loss of vision in one eye, cognitive decline, intense fatigue and on and on and on. All of the ongoing symptoms and tests cause frustration that seems to not end, frustration for both of us.
I remain like those teams, though. Faithfully being tuned in to, cheering with the victories and being supported no matter what. I fumble and he curses the MS and then picks me up. I speak in a jumbled mess and he quickly rewinds for the instant replay to make sense of what happened. The fatigue beats me down and he calls for someone to fill in so I can take a rest.
He's like my coach and I want to do the best for him, too. Its hard for me when I have a rough day because I know that causes him to struggle. I know that a coach without a team is nothing and a team without a coach is nothing. Thanks for being my coach for the last 16 years, Jim!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Maybe there is no tomorrow.
I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days about what makes up my existence. I have a degree of MS that keeps me from working outside the home. I have cognitive problems and a lot of fatigue. I can't remember the last time I felt awake, like that normal I'm ready to take on the day awake.
House duties are the top of my list. I cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, etc. There isn't much joy to be found in a pile of dirty clothes or that container in the back of the refrigerator with the unidentifiable contents. I know this is my own fault. I know there are people that really enjoy the process, like making a home that's neat and clean for their families. I'm aware of the importance. I do it because I have to, not because I like to.
I realize that there's this force of "I must do this" when you are out and about at a real job, too. Work is work. There are many many people that go out to their jobs every day with great joy and great purpose and come home tired but fulfilled. There are likely more that do it because they need to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. This isn't a feeling reserved for the trapped at home types, I know. Healthy folks can come home and relax doing something they enjoy after they get home, though.
Unhealthy folks sometimes can, too, but many times cannot. Even those things we used to like to do can be stuck in the past with the rest of the things I can no longer do department.
My chance to go out into the real world and put my degree to use was slammed almost in reverse. It's sort of an unknown potential shoved in the back corner of a closet knowing that some day it will just be tossed out because it serves no purpose.
People that deal with illnesses are acutely aware that the mundane things in life hold them back from other things as well (Got spoons, anyone?). Though no one knows what the future holds, those of us that aren't healthy realize that this might be the only chance to do something, anything.
I volunteer at church and feel that it has real purpose. I know I am called to the various ministries I help with. I also know that the MS could rear its ugly head at any time and rip that away like it has so many other things (career, another child, ability to run and play and stay awake all day, etc.). There's a sort of magnetic draw that says "you don't want any regrets". If I wake up in a year and can't walk I don't want to be stuck with the "I wish I wouldas" but the "I'm glad I dids".
House duties are the top of my list. I cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, etc. There isn't much joy to be found in a pile of dirty clothes or that container in the back of the refrigerator with the unidentifiable contents. I know this is my own fault. I know there are people that really enjoy the process, like making a home that's neat and clean for their families. I'm aware of the importance. I do it because I have to, not because I like to.
I realize that there's this force of "I must do this" when you are out and about at a real job, too. Work is work. There are many many people that go out to their jobs every day with great joy and great purpose and come home tired but fulfilled. There are likely more that do it because they need to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. This isn't a feeling reserved for the trapped at home types, I know. Healthy folks can come home and relax doing something they enjoy after they get home, though.
Unhealthy folks sometimes can, too, but many times cannot. Even those things we used to like to do can be stuck in the past with the rest of the things I can no longer do department.
My chance to go out into the real world and put my degree to use was slammed almost in reverse. It's sort of an unknown potential shoved in the back corner of a closet knowing that some day it will just be tossed out because it serves no purpose.
People that deal with illnesses are acutely aware that the mundane things in life hold them back from other things as well (Got spoons, anyone?). Though no one knows what the future holds, those of us that aren't healthy realize that this might be the only chance to do something, anything.
I volunteer at church and feel that it has real purpose. I know I am called to the various ministries I help with. I also know that the MS could rear its ugly head at any time and rip that away like it has so many other things (career, another child, ability to run and play and stay awake all day, etc.). There's a sort of magnetic draw that says "you don't want any regrets". If I wake up in a year and can't walk I don't want to be stuck with the "I wish I wouldas" but the "I'm glad I dids".
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Aspertame will KILL you...and in other news.
There's an article going around facebook right now. A Killer In Your Fridge ~ Sweet Poison… A MUST READ
Here's what snopes has to say: FALSE
Let me say, I fully agree with what the article says for me personally. I think that snopes points out that the connections are one of those correlation does not equal causation, if that makes sense. Is there a study out there that actually links the artificial sweeteners to disease (I ask this out of real curiosity not to be cheeky)? I think that's more of the snopes point. I just don't want people going around accusing people of causing diseases in their body because they drink Diet Coke, for example, you know?
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject because there seems to be no real link to MS and anything. They think there's a hereditary component, an environmental component and who knows what else. The medical community can't put a firm finger on what the cause is so they can't find a cure and I've been told that all kinds of things will "cure" my MS from drinking certain fruit juices, bee sting therapy, paleolithic diets, cutting out artificial sweeteners (though I never have used them except for the couple of times I got severe headaches), and on and on and on. Snake oils are everywhere. I just hate to see an article that claims that anything is the cause of disease, basically saying that it's a person's fault if they are diseased.
Are artificial sweeteners good for you? No How many other things do we do in a day or eat in a day that aren't good for us? We have to be careful with the claims we make. We also have to be careful not to judge someone else for the problems they have without knowing just how their body works.
Here's what snopes has to say: FALSE
Let me say, I fully agree with what the article says for me personally. I think that snopes points out that the connections are one of those correlation does not equal causation, if that makes sense. Is there a study out there that actually links the artificial sweeteners to disease (I ask this out of real curiosity not to be cheeky)? I think that's more of the snopes point. I just don't want people going around accusing people of causing diseases in their body because they drink Diet Coke, for example, you know?
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject because there seems to be no real link to MS and anything. They think there's a hereditary component, an environmental component and who knows what else. The medical community can't put a firm finger on what the cause is so they can't find a cure and I've been told that all kinds of things will "cure" my MS from drinking certain fruit juices, bee sting therapy, paleolithic diets, cutting out artificial sweeteners (though I never have used them except for the couple of times I got severe headaches), and on and on and on. Snake oils are everywhere. I just hate to see an article that claims that anything is the cause of disease, basically saying that it's a person's fault if they are diseased.
Are artificial sweeteners good for you? No How many other things do we do in a day or eat in a day that aren't good for us? We have to be careful with the claims we make. We also have to be careful not to judge someone else for the problems they have without knowing just how their body works.
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