Sorry I've been so absent lately. My mom has been back in the hospital for a lot of the last month. Due to the hospital stays I have been there a lot and have also used the free valet for handicapped folks a lot as well which got me thinking...
Valets must get some amusement out of driving various vehicles, listening to the radio stations playing in the car, seeing the passengers exit, checking out the bumper stickers. I could see myself making a game of it. 60 year old man with patches on the sleeves of his jacket gets out of the car. I imagine jazz or classical on the radio and a spotless car. 17 year old girl gets out of a car with dreadlocks and a long skirt. I imagine some sort of new age hippie music and a coexist bumper sticker.
Who breaks the stereotypes?
What would you imagine a 38 year old woman (though I was asked if I was "about 28" the other day by a man who has kids in their early 40's, he claims) driving a Scion XB with a handicapped plate on the back to have playing in her car?
The other day it was Metallica's "Enter Sandman" though my Toad The Wet Sprocket CD case was also sitting in the car.
I asked one of the valets about it the other day (Incidentally, in addition to the fact that no one should be in the hospital long enough that you memorize their phone numbers you also should not know any personal details about the valet workers.) and he said he had never really thought about it but then he recalled the oddest situation with a car he had to park. He said he parked a car with about 100 loaves of fresh-baked bread in the back seat and imagined that they had boosted a bakery outlet. LOL
After a little discussion about my thoughts on the topic, reflecting on the person that may drive a car with 50 McDonald's bags in the back seat or the 80 year old grandma that listens to rap music.
It seems like such a little thing but what could someone assess about you by your vehicle alone? I'm guessing my bumper sticker featuring a stick figure Jason chasing a stick figure family with a chainsaw captioned "Nobody cares about your stick figure family." might just negate all preconceived notions about the person with the handicapped plate and the walker and cane in the back seat.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
Clothes Pet Peeves
I have an issue with clothes. Don't worry, I'm not a nudist. There are just lots of things that bother me about clothes.
I sleep a lot during the day. Clothes that normal people wear when they leave the house just aren't great for sleeping in. Changing in and out of clothes for naps is just too much work. I think I should get a free pass to wear oversize sweat pants and pajama bottoms out of the house without anyone looking at me weird. It should also be okay to wear that outfit with sports socks and sandals because they are easiest to put on. Not that I would do that or anything (shhh neighbors!).
There are other things that bug me about clothes. I hate clothing terminology - blouse, slacks, panties, trousers - those words make me cringe. Yuck.
Don't get me started on the seam on the front of dress pants. What gives? That's just looks weird.
Then there's the dress shoes that don't go up far enough on the foot and give toe cleavage.
I also don't like dress pants with high heels or even those boring flat shoes. Now, there are lots of people that look great in them if you have the right shoes. Those 1990 style plain Jane dress shoes are not it.
Though I loved the show "What Not To Wear" (RIP), I hate when they would put two different patterns together or shoes that don't remotely match an outfit.
On the other hand, I love lots of stuff that others surely don't. I love patterned shoes and socks. I love bright and cheery colors. Birkenstock makes some really fun patterns and I have a couple. I also have some plaid Converse All Stars.
I'm not a fashion plate and probably the last person that should be giving out any fashion advice so step away from the suggestion box. I won't be trying to dress people any time soon unless they are in my family and try to wear navy with black, ugh.
I sleep a lot during the day. Clothes that normal people wear when they leave the house just aren't great for sleeping in. Changing in and out of clothes for naps is just too much work. I think I should get a free pass to wear oversize sweat pants and pajama bottoms out of the house without anyone looking at me weird. It should also be okay to wear that outfit with sports socks and sandals because they are easiest to put on. Not that I would do that or anything (shhh neighbors!).
There are other things that bug me about clothes. I hate clothing terminology - blouse, slacks, panties, trousers - those words make me cringe. Yuck.
Don't get me started on the seam on the front of dress pants. What gives? That's just looks weird.
Then there's the dress shoes that don't go up far enough on the foot and give toe cleavage.
I also don't like dress pants with high heels or even those boring flat shoes. Now, there are lots of people that look great in them if you have the right shoes. Those 1990 style plain Jane dress shoes are not it.
Though I loved the show "What Not To Wear" (RIP), I hate when they would put two different patterns together or shoes that don't remotely match an outfit.
On the other hand, I love lots of stuff that others surely don't. I love patterned shoes and socks. I love bright and cheery colors. Birkenstock makes some really fun patterns and I have a couple. I also have some plaid Converse All Stars.
I'm not a fashion plate and probably the last person that should be giving out any fashion advice so step away from the suggestion box. I won't be trying to dress people any time soon unless they are in my family and try to wear navy with black, ugh.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
List of pissed
Yes, you read that right. This is a short list of things that piss me off.
1. I can't run. There was a time when I didn't want to run. I didn't understand why anyone wanted to do it for fun and now that I can't, I want to. I see people out running with their ear buds in, seeming like they are running away from all their cares and to top it off they are getting exercise enough to burn off all the pizza I want to eat.
2. Exercise. Everyone talks about how great exercise is for you, staves off various diseases, strengthens the body, burns off pizza (no I don't have a one track mind; stop asking - okay, since you asked I'll have pepperoni). No this is for normal people. For me it causes me to get shaky, wobbly, weak and worn out for the rest of the day.
3. Memory or lack there of. I forgot what I was going to say.
4. People that assume you are just lazy for any number of reasons. One I heard recently was that if you don't wear makeup you are lazy. If you don't make all your own meals from scratch you are lazy. If you don't mop all your floors weekly you are lazy. If you wear sweats to bed and don't change into other clothes before leaving the house you are lazy...um true story not that I would ever do - that last week Thursday.
5. People that think you aren't trying hard enough when you can't figure things out. Yeah, thanks for making me feel stupid again. No I didn't just randomly give up. No I haven't smoked a disproportionate amount of marijuana while binge drinking. I have a free pass, brain damage and all.
6. Profanity is frowned upon. Okay, I get it. You don't want your children dropping f-bombs because they spilled their Cheerios. I try my best to refrain when I'm within the range of people under the age of 18, 16 tops. Fact is, sometimes those are the only words that come out. If I say I have MS Tourettes, fucking believe me.
7. Fatigue. Never feeling awake. Feeling like I could sleep always. Yeah, that blows.
8. Dealing with the medical community. There should be a personal liason that handles every medical pile of BS that comes down the pipeline. Need a med renewed but your prescription has run out. My secretary will handle that. Need an appointment during the morning hours when you only have a nice, reliable vehicle every other week - secretary. Need a foot massage and some nail polish, my office girl will handle that.
9. Cooking. Look, I get it. Cooking from scratch is good for me, for my whole family. I do it a lot of the time. It makes me feel like a dolt and it takes me so much longer than the average person; I swear it has to. I have to look at the recipe over and over and over again. I forget what I was doing, how much to measure, which ingredients I still have to add - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Don't even get me started on cutting a recipe in 1/2 or doubling it. There is a near 100% probability that I will forget to do the calculations on at least one ingredient. I would live on peanut butter, fresh fruit, fresh veggies, sliced cheese and crackers - every day, every single day. Change it up with some tuna fish, hard boiled eggs and Hot Pockets (pepperoni pizza - yes, I'm an addict, shut it) or actual pizza now and then and I'm good to go.
10. Grammar. Now I'm not perfect, of course. It makes me crazy when people make grammatical mistakes that shouldn't have been made if passed the 3rd grade. It's not that hard. I'm not asking you to diagram sentences (*shutters*) or win a spelling bee against a poet laureate. Knowing where to place an apostrophe in a contraction isn't rocket science. You just put the apostrophe where a letter is removed (was not - remove the "o" and make wasn't). Again, not asking a lot (not alot - see, two words).
11. Not having the energy to ramble on about my other pissed list items. Bah.
Later taters!
1. I can't run. There was a time when I didn't want to run. I didn't understand why anyone wanted to do it for fun and now that I can't, I want to. I see people out running with their ear buds in, seeming like they are running away from all their cares and to top it off they are getting exercise enough to burn off all the pizza I want to eat.
2. Exercise. Everyone talks about how great exercise is for you, staves off various diseases, strengthens the body, burns off pizza (no I don't have a one track mind; stop asking - okay, since you asked I'll have pepperoni). No this is for normal people. For me it causes me to get shaky, wobbly, weak and worn out for the rest of the day.
3. Memory or lack there of. I forgot what I was going to say.
4. People that assume you are just lazy for any number of reasons. One I heard recently was that if you don't wear makeup you are lazy. If you don't make all your own meals from scratch you are lazy. If you don't mop all your floors weekly you are lazy. If you wear sweats to bed and don't change into other clothes before leaving the house you are lazy...um true story not that I would ever do - that last week Thursday.
5. People that think you aren't trying hard enough when you can't figure things out. Yeah, thanks for making me feel stupid again. No I didn't just randomly give up. No I haven't smoked a disproportionate amount of marijuana while binge drinking. I have a free pass, brain damage and all.
6. Profanity is frowned upon. Okay, I get it. You don't want your children dropping f-bombs because they spilled their Cheerios. I try my best to refrain when I'm within the range of people under the age of 18, 16 tops. Fact is, sometimes those are the only words that come out. If I say I have MS Tourettes, fucking believe me.
7. Fatigue. Never feeling awake. Feeling like I could sleep always. Yeah, that blows.
8. Dealing with the medical community. There should be a personal liason that handles every medical pile of BS that comes down the pipeline. Need a med renewed but your prescription has run out. My secretary will handle that. Need an appointment during the morning hours when you only have a nice, reliable vehicle every other week - secretary. Need a foot massage and some nail polish, my office girl will handle that.
9. Cooking. Look, I get it. Cooking from scratch is good for me, for my whole family. I do it a lot of the time. It makes me feel like a dolt and it takes me so much longer than the average person; I swear it has to. I have to look at the recipe over and over and over again. I forget what I was doing, how much to measure, which ingredients I still have to add - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Don't even get me started on cutting a recipe in 1/2 or doubling it. There is a near 100% probability that I will forget to do the calculations on at least one ingredient. I would live on peanut butter, fresh fruit, fresh veggies, sliced cheese and crackers - every day, every single day. Change it up with some tuna fish, hard boiled eggs and Hot Pockets (pepperoni pizza - yes, I'm an addict, shut it) or actual pizza now and then and I'm good to go.
10. Grammar. Now I'm not perfect, of course. It makes me crazy when people make grammatical mistakes that shouldn't have been made if passed the 3rd grade. It's not that hard. I'm not asking you to diagram sentences (*shutters*) or win a spelling bee against a poet laureate. Knowing where to place an apostrophe in a contraction isn't rocket science. You just put the apostrophe where a letter is removed (was not - remove the "o" and make wasn't). Again, not asking a lot (not alot - see, two words).
11. Not having the energy to ramble on about my other pissed list items. Bah.
Later taters!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Legless MSer.
So there's these odd things that happen with MS. There's blurry eyes after a hot shower, a finger that just feels like it wants to move, scalp that's divided right down the center with sensations that are different on both sides, just to name a few.
Then there's this: I was laying in bed and it dawned on me that I didn't know where my legs were. Now, of course, I knew in my mind where my legs were but it felt like they weren't there. I moved them so I could feel where they were. My mind made the connection then but what an odd thing to lay in bed and feel like your legs are somehow missing.
When I had significant back pain my chiropractor told me that I should lay in bed with my "hip stacked", they should be in direct line one on top of the other. Every night that I have a little ache in my back I remind myself to stack my hips but I never know if one is leaning more back or forward without feeling my top hip. It's just like I lose all sense of where my body parts exist once the lights are out.
I also have trouble walking in the dark, I do a sort of shuffle and try to grab the visual cues I can, digital clock, moonlight through the skylight, in order to just stay upright. It's a proprioception issue and I suppose that may account for my other strange, detatched body parts feelings, too.
It would be an interesting trick, with Halloween looming, if I could make those legs disappear to those around me, just for the night. May as well get a free costume out of this MS beast, eh?
Then there's this: I was laying in bed and it dawned on me that I didn't know where my legs were. Now, of course, I knew in my mind where my legs were but it felt like they weren't there. I moved them so I could feel where they were. My mind made the connection then but what an odd thing to lay in bed and feel like your legs are somehow missing.
When I had significant back pain my chiropractor told me that I should lay in bed with my "hip stacked", they should be in direct line one on top of the other. Every night that I have a little ache in my back I remind myself to stack my hips but I never know if one is leaning more back or forward without feeling my top hip. It's just like I lose all sense of where my body parts exist once the lights are out.
I also have trouble walking in the dark, I do a sort of shuffle and try to grab the visual cues I can, digital clock, moonlight through the skylight, in order to just stay upright. It's a proprioception issue and I suppose that may account for my other strange, detatched body parts feelings, too.
It would be an interesting trick, with Halloween looming, if I could make those legs disappear to those around me, just for the night. May as well get a free costume out of this MS beast, eh?
Sunday, September 22, 2013
1st down and a Happy 16th Anniversary!
My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary this week. It's one of those "wow" moments where you feel like it couldn't possibly be that long but on the flipside feel like it's been forever.
Ever since we have been married my husband, born and raised in Ann Arbor, has been a University of Michigan football fan. He also roots for the Lions and their track record is less than stellar but he's still a supporter through all the grumbles, groans, screams and frustration. U of M has had its share of screaming at the TV moments in the last couple of weeks as well.
I always wondered why someone would tune in week after week, game after game, when it seemed like all it brought was lots of frustration, aggravation and considerable screaming. What joy is there to be had in that?
It dawned on me that I am like one of those teams to Jim. Just six years into our marriage the MS symptoms started. There were moments of not being able to walk much at all, lack of sensation down the entire right side of my body, loss of vision in one eye, cognitive decline, intense fatigue and on and on and on. All of the ongoing symptoms and tests cause frustration that seems to not end, frustration for both of us.
I remain like those teams, though. Faithfully being tuned in to, cheering with the victories and being supported no matter what. I fumble and he curses the MS and then picks me up. I speak in a jumbled mess and he quickly rewinds for the instant replay to make sense of what happened. The fatigue beats me down and he calls for someone to fill in so I can take a rest.
He's like my coach and I want to do the best for him, too. Its hard for me when I have a rough day because I know that causes him to struggle. I know that a coach without a team is nothing and a team without a coach is nothing. Thanks for being my coach for the last 16 years, Jim!
Ever since we have been married my husband, born and raised in Ann Arbor, has been a University of Michigan football fan. He also roots for the Lions and their track record is less than stellar but he's still a supporter through all the grumbles, groans, screams and frustration. U of M has had its share of screaming at the TV moments in the last couple of weeks as well.
I always wondered why someone would tune in week after week, game after game, when it seemed like all it brought was lots of frustration, aggravation and considerable screaming. What joy is there to be had in that?
It dawned on me that I am like one of those teams to Jim. Just six years into our marriage the MS symptoms started. There were moments of not being able to walk much at all, lack of sensation down the entire right side of my body, loss of vision in one eye, cognitive decline, intense fatigue and on and on and on. All of the ongoing symptoms and tests cause frustration that seems to not end, frustration for both of us.
I remain like those teams, though. Faithfully being tuned in to, cheering with the victories and being supported no matter what. I fumble and he curses the MS and then picks me up. I speak in a jumbled mess and he quickly rewinds for the instant replay to make sense of what happened. The fatigue beats me down and he calls for someone to fill in so I can take a rest.
He's like my coach and I want to do the best for him, too. Its hard for me when I have a rough day because I know that causes him to struggle. I know that a coach without a team is nothing and a team without a coach is nothing. Thanks for being my coach for the last 16 years, Jim!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Maybe there is no tomorrow.
I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days about what makes up my existence. I have a degree of MS that keeps me from working outside the home. I have cognitive problems and a lot of fatigue. I can't remember the last time I felt awake, like that normal I'm ready to take on the day awake.
House duties are the top of my list. I cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, etc. There isn't much joy to be found in a pile of dirty clothes or that container in the back of the refrigerator with the unidentifiable contents. I know this is my own fault. I know there are people that really enjoy the process, like making a home that's neat and clean for their families. I'm aware of the importance. I do it because I have to, not because I like to.
I realize that there's this force of "I must do this" when you are out and about at a real job, too. Work is work. There are many many people that go out to their jobs every day with great joy and great purpose and come home tired but fulfilled. There are likely more that do it because they need to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. This isn't a feeling reserved for the trapped at home types, I know. Healthy folks can come home and relax doing something they enjoy after they get home, though.
Unhealthy folks sometimes can, too, but many times cannot. Even those things we used to like to do can be stuck in the past with the rest of the things I can no longer do department.
My chance to go out into the real world and put my degree to use was slammed almost in reverse. It's sort of an unknown potential shoved in the back corner of a closet knowing that some day it will just be tossed out because it serves no purpose.
People that deal with illnesses are acutely aware that the mundane things in life hold them back from other things as well (Got spoons, anyone?). Though no one knows what the future holds, those of us that aren't healthy realize that this might be the only chance to do something, anything.
I volunteer at church and feel that it has real purpose. I know I am called to the various ministries I help with. I also know that the MS could rear its ugly head at any time and rip that away like it has so many other things (career, another child, ability to run and play and stay awake all day, etc.). There's a sort of magnetic draw that says "you don't want any regrets". If I wake up in a year and can't walk I don't want to be stuck with the "I wish I wouldas" but the "I'm glad I dids".
House duties are the top of my list. I cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, etc. There isn't much joy to be found in a pile of dirty clothes or that container in the back of the refrigerator with the unidentifiable contents. I know this is my own fault. I know there are people that really enjoy the process, like making a home that's neat and clean for their families. I'm aware of the importance. I do it because I have to, not because I like to.
I realize that there's this force of "I must do this" when you are out and about at a real job, too. Work is work. There are many many people that go out to their jobs every day with great joy and great purpose and come home tired but fulfilled. There are likely more that do it because they need to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. This isn't a feeling reserved for the trapped at home types, I know. Healthy folks can come home and relax doing something they enjoy after they get home, though.
Unhealthy folks sometimes can, too, but many times cannot. Even those things we used to like to do can be stuck in the past with the rest of the things I can no longer do department.
My chance to go out into the real world and put my degree to use was slammed almost in reverse. It's sort of an unknown potential shoved in the back corner of a closet knowing that some day it will just be tossed out because it serves no purpose.
People that deal with illnesses are acutely aware that the mundane things in life hold them back from other things as well (Got spoons, anyone?). Though no one knows what the future holds, those of us that aren't healthy realize that this might be the only chance to do something, anything.
I volunteer at church and feel that it has real purpose. I know I am called to the various ministries I help with. I also know that the MS could rear its ugly head at any time and rip that away like it has so many other things (career, another child, ability to run and play and stay awake all day, etc.). There's a sort of magnetic draw that says "you don't want any regrets". If I wake up in a year and can't walk I don't want to be stuck with the "I wish I wouldas" but the "I'm glad I dids".
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Aspertame will KILL you...and in other news.
There's an article going around facebook right now. A Killer In Your Fridge ~ Sweet Poison… A MUST READ
Here's what snopes has to say: FALSE
Let me say, I fully agree with what the article says for me personally. I think that snopes points out that the connections are one of those correlation does not equal causation, if that makes sense. Is there a study out there that actually links the artificial sweeteners to disease (I ask this out of real curiosity not to be cheeky)? I think that's more of the snopes point. I just don't want people going around accusing people of causing diseases in their body because they drink Diet Coke, for example, you know?
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject because there seems to be no real link to MS and anything. They think there's a hereditary component, an environmental component and who knows what else. The medical community can't put a firm finger on what the cause is so they can't find a cure and I've been told that all kinds of things will "cure" my MS from drinking certain fruit juices, bee sting therapy, paleolithic diets, cutting out artificial sweeteners (though I never have used them except for the couple of times I got severe headaches), and on and on and on. Snake oils are everywhere. I just hate to see an article that claims that anything is the cause of disease, basically saying that it's a person's fault if they are diseased.
Are artificial sweeteners good for you? No How many other things do we do in a day or eat in a day that aren't good for us? We have to be careful with the claims we make. We also have to be careful not to judge someone else for the problems they have without knowing just how their body works.
Here's what snopes has to say: FALSE
Let me say, I fully agree with what the article says for me personally. I think that snopes points out that the connections are one of those correlation does not equal causation, if that makes sense. Is there a study out there that actually links the artificial sweeteners to disease (I ask this out of real curiosity not to be cheeky)? I think that's more of the snopes point. I just don't want people going around accusing people of causing diseases in their body because they drink Diet Coke, for example, you know?
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject because there seems to be no real link to MS and anything. They think there's a hereditary component, an environmental component and who knows what else. The medical community can't put a firm finger on what the cause is so they can't find a cure and I've been told that all kinds of things will "cure" my MS from drinking certain fruit juices, bee sting therapy, paleolithic diets, cutting out artificial sweeteners (though I never have used them except for the couple of times I got severe headaches), and on and on and on. Snake oils are everywhere. I just hate to see an article that claims that anything is the cause of disease, basically saying that it's a person's fault if they are diseased.
Are artificial sweeteners good for you? No How many other things do we do in a day or eat in a day that aren't good for us? We have to be careful with the claims we make. We also have to be careful not to judge someone else for the problems they have without knowing just how their body works.
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