Stamp this one DISABLED!

It still feels like a scream sometimes and something that should be whispered and then explained.

I heard it's an American thing to ask others what they do for a living.  "So what do you do?"  We always await some lofty reply, some great job to go with a great life.  The American dream, I suppose.  Those of us without a lofty reply feel like we have to talk our way out of it.  Maybe that's why those outside of the states find this both rude and intrusive.  

"So what do you do?"  I'm disabled due to multiple sclerosis but I'm a stay at home mom.  I sell on eBay on the side.

DISABLED screams and yet quiets the person across from you.  No one seems to know how to respond to the thirty-something disabled girl, especially one that has a lot of outwardly invisible symptoms.  I have a couple of canes, a couple of walkers and a wheelchair and the word "disabled" seems to make more sense when it's uttered with those assistive devices in the area.

I was declared disabled when I was just 30.  Fatigue and cognitive dysfunctions were the kickers.  I'm always tired but when I'm overly tired or too hot or had too busy of a day, my speech is affected and sometimes I can't make the words come out at all.

I will talk (or write) my way around the absent words.  Thank God for a good vocabulary. When one word is strangely absent, I can usually find one to take its place.  Sometimes it takes longer than others and sometimes it ends up in a frustrating game of charades.

Apparently an employer can't function with someone that naps randomly, loses focus and cusses at random when the substitution dictionary has been lost.  So, here I am.

How old will I have to be before saying the word "disabled" comes easy.  It's not hard to say, "My grandma is on disability."  People also get it.  If I say, "I'm on disability" it's like there's a stutter in the conversation.  It can feel like you have a stamp on your forehead and everyone around you whispering, wondering what's wrong.  "What on earth is wrong with her?  She looks too good to be sick."

I feel like I need a bumper sticker on my car that says "I have multiple sclerosis" so the handicapped plate makes some sense to people that look at me.  Maybe I would also need this sticker: